I was talking to one of my clients online on Sunday. Her name is Jenny. She is one of my best clients with whom I have been doing service for the past couple of years. She often shares her life’s happy and sad moments with me because she feels that I am the right relationship adviser for her. After few minutes of casual talk she became silent. I understood something seriously wrong with Jen (that’s what I call her). She told me she visited her favorite place on earth last night and i.e. Big Slur in California. She started discussing with me about a book by Henry Miller which she has been reading lately. She wanted to share with me a beautiful line on Love from the author. It said :
“Love is something which can never have a natural death. Love dies because we the people do not know how to replenish it again. It dies because of betrayals, errors and blindness. It dies of illness and wounds that we bring on it. It dies because we no longer want it to be there.”
She asked me whether I read novels or not. I told her that “Reading novels in not my cup tea”. She laughed and recommended me to read at least “The Divorce Party” by Laura Dave. She told me that this book is about two women who fight among themselves for not to let their love die. She paused and then replied me. “Saurabh, I had a break-up last night!”
I was confused on how to handle things with Jen. But hats off to her spirit. She immediately replied, “Relax! buddy, some break-up actually needs to be celebrated.” I understood that Jen is not at all regretting on whatever she did last night. She was happy with the break-up and that is the reason she celebrated. She told me that there were some reasons, the best of them, on what she decided to let this relationship go.
I couldn’t stop myself sharing those reasons with all my friends, with all of those who are struggling with their break-ups.
First, there are many relationships on this earth which are meant to be only seasonal. There are people who get devastated because of their break-ups results in divorce. The relationships play a game with us. They get us in such a situation which makes us feel alive again. This phase is very tricky. Jen told me that this doesn’t mean that two people who are compatible with each other needs to be there for longer commitments. What I believe here is that only feeling of love is not important for a long term relationship, what important is the likeliness which one should have for his/her partner. You should ask a question to yourself. Do you really like spending time together with him/her? If the answer is YES, then please find a way to end all the problems among yourself. But if the answer is NO, then guys high time start looking for someone else.
Secondly, there are always chances when the wrong person can make you feel wrong. Jen’s cousin Lisa and her boyfriend Adam met and married in four months. After 6 months of their marriage Lisa realized that her husband is more interested in whirlwind than being a husband of a beautiful woman. Lisa told Jen that she always tries to make Adam happy by cooking his favorite dishes, watching a baseball match with him (though she doesn’t understands the game), but Adam doesn’t misses a single chance criticizing his wife.
It makes a person feel so sad and disheartened when he/she realizes that they have chosen a wrong partner for themselves. I believe that Adam should have tried to find out ways of coming out of these pity issues rather blaming Lisa for a bet he lost with his colleague. Guys, there is a difference between working hard on a relationship and working too hard. If someone is too stubborn to respect you for what you are, I guess its time for a change.
Thirdly, a discussion of points on what makes relationships work is a must. If the other end of a rope gets too heavy it is better to leave that rope and think of some other ways. Jen’s friend Martha and her husband Lewis are the two people on either side of a long rope, holding their end ups. Jen’s point here is that both the ends of the rope should not be dropped at the same time. If one end is also raised, still there is a chance of a safe relationship. But if only one person is holding the rope for longer period and he/she is not getting a time to rest and reboot, then I guess there is no point in holding that rope. Its high time you should move on and catch a better rope.
Fourthly, sometimes there are better things waiting for you. Jen decided to buy her dream house finally in Las Vegas. She told me that she feels, this house is the only place where she could have been. She decided to buy that house in Vegas on Sunday morning itself. What I believe is that you start enjoying the space, the right freedom from someone who was actually not worth of you and that is what Jen is doing. She is now happy with her life. In fact much more happier than what she was when she met Alexander. (Her boyfriend with whom she broke up last night)
Lastly, there are obviously chances of settling down the worst things happened to you in a best thing can happen to you. Jen said that, “people who truly loved their partner for even once, are far more likely to fall in love again and again and again…”
I seriously agree with Jen. This is an honest statement in fact. When you give the goodness, the kindness and joy of a love to your partner, he/she starts living inside you. Be happy if someone sitting beside you in a party is not ready to accept your gifts. Always remember that give your best piece to someone who is always ready to accept it.
Jen was very happy and so am I at the end of our conversation. She really wanted to share this with me. That is the reason I dint mind when she pinged me at 4 am in the morning. I told Jen only one last thing hearing which she started crying and i.e.
“there are many happy endings which do not come in the forum we hope for, but it do come for those people who believe in them and work for them.”